


Poor Unfortunate Souls

by Snarkoleptic



Series: Other Bits and Bobs [2]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Desire Demon - Freeform, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-23
Updated: 2011-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-27 22:54:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/300941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snarkoleptic/pseuds/Snarkoleptic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A desire demon makes the most of her attempt to sway a mage. Parody, modern culture reference, and maybe a little more crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poor Unfortunate Souls

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I should just stop talking to people. This one is all karebear's fault. I mean, I know humor is how I deal, so it's where I go after thinking too deeply about the treatment of mages in Thedas, but it has to end somewhere, doesn't it? ;)
> 
> For those who haven't seen them, karebear's stories at FF.net of time in the Circle for her Rhyanon Amell and the Blight that comes after are incredibly compelling and real. Another author I recommend, and one with whom I could talk about Circle issues all day. When we're not discussing olive oil and blood magic and cartoons, prompting something like this to ... swim into my head.
> 
> If you need a frame of reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyFVG4VfPmg

The demon turns from her mirror to the newest guest in the Fade, plastering upon her face what she hopes will pass for sincerity to emphasize her answer to his question.

"My dear, sweet child. That's what I do. It's what I _live_ for. To help unfortunate mages. Like yourself!"

She approaches the mage, her hips swaying, alluring, drawing him in with every step.

"Poor souls with no one else to turn to…"

Taunting music answers her silent summons, whispering up from beyond the mage's perception. Trailing a finger among her creatively draped garments – after all, what's one _more_ thing for a little mage to ask for? – she begins her captivating siren's call.

 _I admit that in the past I've been a nasty_

 _They weren't kidding when they bid me tempt a witch_

 _But you'll find that nowadays_

 _I've mended all my ways_

 _Repented, seen the light and made a switch_

 _True? Yes!_

The demon sparks the Fade, summoning colors and sounds to accentuate her features as she steps away and offers her most inviting smile.

 _And I fortunately know a little magic_

 _In a talent tree I always have possessed_

 _And just lately, please don't laugh_

 _I use it on behalf_

 _Of the miserable, cornered and depressed_

 _(Just like you.)_

The demon steps seductively now, summoning a fountain of raw power around which to stalk, adding to the desires she hopes to touch within the mage.

 _Poor unfortunate souls_

 _In pain_

 _In need_

 _This one longing to be wiser_

 _That one wants to see the world_

 _And do I help them?_

 _Yes, indeed_

 _Those poor unfortunate souls_

 _So sad_

 _So true_

 _They come flocking to my fountain_

 _Crying "Spells, Ursula, please!"_

 _And I help them!_

 _Yes, I do._

Leaning forward to showcase her more desirable attributes, the demon sees she's caught the mage's ear and presses on with her enticement.

 _Now it's happened once or twice_

 _Someone couldn't pay the price_

 _And I'm afraid I had to take 'em by the souls_

 _Yes, I've had the odd complaint_

 _But on the whole I've been a saint_

 _To those poor unfortunate souls_

* * *

Placing a world of possibility into her smile, the demon asks the mage, "Have we got a deal?"

"If I let you come in, I'll never get to see my friends again?"

"But you'll flee your cage. Life's full of tough choices, innit? Oh – and there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment."

"But I don't have any-"

"I'm not asking much. Just a token, really, a trifle. What I want from you… is your choice."

"But without that will, how can I-"

"You'll have your looks! That handsome face! And don't underestimate the importance of your freedom! Ha!"

* * *

 _The world out there can't stand the thought of freedom_

 _They think a man who walks alone to be a bore_

 _In the land it's much preferred_

 _To bow down without a word_

 _And after all, dear, what is your freedom for?_

She closes the distance again, placing a hand on his cheek in a blatant hint of what he might have.

 _Come on, they're not all that impressed with little leaders_

 _True gentlemen avoid it when they can_

 _Ladies dote and swoon and fawn_

 _On men whose will has been withdrawn_

 _It's he who bends his knee who's called a man_

She's sure she just about has him, circling his ethereal and unwelcome form, willing him to ask her **in**.

 _Come_   
_  
**on**   
_   
_, you poor unfortunate soul_

 _Go ahead!_

 _Give your choice!_

 _I'm a very busy spirit_

 _And I haven't got all day_

 _It won't cost much_

 _Just your choice!_

 _You poor unfortunate soul_

 _It's sad_

 _But true_

 _If you want to cross the lake, my sweet_

 _You've got to pay the toll_

 _Take a pause and take a look_

 _Then go ahead, let's have a roll!_

* * *

Anders wakes, looking about the apprentice quarters, wondering if any of the others had ever seen temptation presented in such a way. It was certainly… novel, he had to give her that. But did she really think anyone in Thedas was going to fall for it?

 _Maker… I need to lay off the olive oil after sunset._


End file.
